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I just dont have it in me anymore. Around every corner is something more rediculous than the last. I divorced a husband of nearly two decades after significant emotional abuse and finding out that he is sexually into children amongst plenty of other discoveries. One would think you have a huge opportunity to get your life on a better track at that point. So did I.
I entered another relationship with someone I have known for years. It provided me with more love and stability than I had known in my previous relationship. There was an opportunity to be part of a family again, as I have no family. I have some greedy relatives far removed who would LOVE for me to die so they can get my estate. He moved in with me, lots of work making the house nice, shared hobbies. I even grew to enjoy spending time with his child from a previous marriage. This is great, is this what a relationship should be like? Well, then, I discovered that he is trying to hook up with gay male escorts....followed by finding out I am pregnant by this man. There goes my world again. I never wanted children, but I would have considered keeping this one if I didnt discover he is cheating on me. Let me reiterate. I have no one else. So I got a medical abortion immediately. Out of fear of something going wrong during the process I made a will. I have no one. In it I left my stuff to the man who got me pregnant, cheats on me with men he pays to have sex with him, and lies to me.
Ive done it again. Ive made the same mistakes. I continue to take the insults and injury, and continue to reward them for it. There is not a single thing in my life that is positive right now, and those things that could be positive, i dont have the energy and willpower left to strive for.
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I have missed you since early 2015 it is now 2022 and you have a family now and are hopefully happy because that's all I could wish for, I'm here in a happy mar...
I will say that reading this little bit about yourself, it seems that you have much to be happy for. You seem to be established and strong, and seem to be capable of a relationship. For many, that is half the battle. I understand the frustration you must feel at this point, allowing a couple bad apples into your life, but I can guarantee you, with 100% certainly, there are many great men that would be faithful and completely committed to you for the rest of your life.
We all go through many trials and tribulations as you know, but the goal is to try to continuously learn from our mistakes and grow from our experiences.
You have to remember that as hard as things seem, you must find the strength to pick yourself back up and move forward with confidence, knowing that even the toughest challenges we face have great purpose. Its very possible, that these challenging relationships are preparing you for a much better one in your future.
My hope for you is that you give yourself the time you need to heal from these experiences, and emerge a stronger more nobler version of yourself.
All the best,
ReplyThat sounds like a major rough patch. I've been there. It sucks that you were willing to put yourself out there, just to have another person crap on it. Unfortunately, they won't care or even know what they put you through. They are seeing their own lives through their own lenses, and anybody else who comes into their lives will just be playing a role to them. You won't get closure from people that selfish. It's difficult to do, but better to cut all your losses with them. Fortunately, there are other people in the world, and you'll run into them in unexpected places. (I keep having to remind myself of this). You may not even want a relationship for a long time to come, if ever. All of these options are ok, as long as you are ok with them. I often allow other people to dictate how happy I am with my own life based on what I think that they think.
As far as your family that are waiting for something terrible to happen to you so they can gain benefits from it. Donate it. You could potentially help many people that would actually be grateful for your help and would value you and the memory of you, and they will take that with them. Just because those other people are related to you, does not mean they are entitled to the things you loved in life. (Maybe I'm just a bit spiteful, and maybe you don't want to take that advice, but I wouldn't blame you for just writing them all off).
I know it's cliche...but it's cliche for a reason, but, "take it one day at a time". Each one of those days is going to feel crappy for a while. But if you can focus on just getting through one day to the next and keeping your head above water, over time, you will start to heal from these wounds.
I don't know you at all, but I feel like I do a little bit, just from reading some of your experiences. I feel solidarity with you, even though it's a bond shared from getting screwed over by others. We got this. Try to stay calm and get through the day. I wish you all of the absolute best.
ReplyAll I can say is I know how it feels to feel like your life is in shambles, and like there is no way to get it back on track. If you have someone who is not a romantic love interest but is an important person in your life, live for them, and perhaps find a passion instead of a dependency on another person until you're in a good place. And give faith a chance, it helps. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
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