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No end to misery
5 months ago · · MISTAKES, · Explicit
I just dont have it in me anymore. Around every corner is something more rediculous than the last. I divorced a husband of nearly two decades after significant emotional abuse and finding out that he is sexually into children amongst plenty of other discoveries. One would think you have a huge opportunity to get your life on a better track at that point. So did I.
I entered another relationship with someone I have known for years. It provided me with more love and stability than I had known in my previous relationship. There was an opportunity to be part of a family again, as I have no family. I have some greedy relatives far removed who would LOVE for me to die so they can get my estate. He moved in with me, lots of work making the house nice, shared hobbies. I even grew to enjoy spending time with his child from a previous marriage. This is great, is this what a relationship should be like? Well, then, I discovered that he is trying to hook up with gay male escorts....followed by finding out I am pregnant by this man. There goes my world again. I never wanted children, but I would have considered keeping this one if I didnt discover he is cheating on me. Let me reiterate. I have no one else. So I got a medical abortion immediately. Out of fear of something going wrong during the process I made a will. I have no one. In it I left my stuff to the man who got me pregnant, cheats on me with men he pays to have sex with him, and lies to me.
Ive done it again. Ive made the same mistakes. I continue to take the insults and injury, and continue to reward them for it. There is not a single thing in my life that is positive right now, and those things that could be positive, i dont have the energy and willpower left to strive for.