What are you looking for?
to my sister
2 months ago · · Suicidal Thoughts, · Explicit
Hi. If you’re reading this it’s probably not for good. I know you hate it when I speak in English but it’s comforting so at this time you’re just going to have to accept it.
God. How do I start? Firstly I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I swear I tried. At the moment that I write this letter I don’t know if I’m ever going to do it but you know just in case.
You saved me through so many years of my life. You saved me through the whole middle school and I know it sounds stupid but you literally did. Now however no one could have saved me. It was time for me to go. I don’t have thirteen reasons why like Hannah baker did nor a tragic story behind my unaliving that makes everything more dramatic or gives everything a meaning. I just could not take it. I could not take that I’d have to grow up in this world. Am I weak for giving up before I even get out there? Probably. But it sucks.the world is filled with misery and bad people and unfairness. Unfairness. Tell me how do I survive out there while being *biologically* a woman, queer and not cis. Im scared, im tired and I don’t see a point. Everyone is gonna die and no one is gonna remember you so fuck it. At least now I wont have to cry at random times thinking im not free. I was never going to e free.
I was tired of people I knew and people that ive never met. I was tiredof everything and everyone. And maybe there was a better way to solve this but at the end of the day this is a fatal solution im thinking of since I was like twelve. I was twelve when I first tried. Twelve. I was a child. Not that now im an adult but ive been through things ive never shared with you. Or anyone. I always liked to deal with things by myself. Its time for everyone to just learn to live withought me.
I love you. Like I really really love you. I adore you. Im going to be protecteing you. No one and I mean not a single soul will ever hurt you as long ill protect you. If there is an after life imam let you know. If there is nothing then I think that this letter is the last thing yall will ever hear of me. Once more, I love you,no, I adore you.
Your lovely little annoying sister,
Ps: watch Hercules for me.<3