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I've been trying to be better for the past 3 years, and nothing has worked out. No matter how much I learn, no matter how much I grow, I am not enough. I have been working so hard that my body keeps getting tired. I can't do much anymore except for what I need to do.
Its gotten to the point where any set back that I have makes people want to leave me (that's okay sometimes though since it is the logical thing to do in certain situations). It doesn't make it hurt any less. In fact, I'm surprised I fought my urge to kill myself. It's one of the reasons why I believe I can live on. If I didn't kill myself when everything and everyone was gone, then that means that I want to live for another reason, and that's reason enough to fight my suicidal urges.
I'll keep trying, but I feel like one day everyone I love will leave me. So I must make myself strong. Strong enough to be able to stop myself every time I think about killing myself. Its okay to feel this way, I think. I'll just have to try and do something. Anything. Just one thing please... Something worthwhile so that I can have some worth.
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