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Dear N,
I miss you, more than Ive ever missed anyone, I wonder every morning if we had gone back if we had talked more if we had done more would we be here? Maybe, not, I would hope not. Our last conversation you told me you are working to live in a world without me, you are working to lose those feelings for me. I remember reading those words, they cut through my heart like you had taken a knife and stabbed my heart millions of times, and the worst part is, you could do that and id still love you with every ounce of love in my tainted heart. We hurt each other, more than id like to admit, but its the truth, we were utterly and hopelessly entangled in each other every breathing moment, only for it to fall and crumble within minutes. I replay that moment every second, never to find something new. I think these past days, Ive realized I cant make someone fight for me nor stay nor love me, I did all I could to make you stay, to let you know I loved you, to let you feel my love. You were a chapter in my life that is filled with so much love, memories, joy, sunshine, and happiness but also tears, sadness, and hurt. I never want to fall in love again, not because I hate love or relationships, but because I never want to feel this way, never again will I let myself feel this way. If Were to fall in love, It would only be with you, while some may call me stupid for still holding onto you after everything after every word, every action, everything. I can't let you go, no matter how many reasons I have to, I cant. Without you I feel like Im drowning, there will always be a hole in my heart for you and if you ever want to fill that hole, I will let you, always. im always your love and if you ever want to try again, you know where to find me.
Always yours,
M
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I never want to fall in love again, I never even want to try with someone new. I only have space for one, and he doesn't want me. I can't let myself go through that again. Only with him. And I know, it sounds stupid, but I can't feel this way with anyone else. It's been so long. I can't let go.
One day, if he ever feels like coming back into my life, I'll welcome him back with an open heart. Till then, I'll keep on moving on, but my heart is closed off.
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