My Unsent Letter

To someone who cares:

At my mom's funeral, my father, my sister and me were nowhere near each other. We were each comforted by relatives separately. 2 weeks after mom's death, my sister and I had an intense argument with I our father. So we left home. My sister went back after a month. I've been living in our 2nd house 2 hours away for almost a year. I haven't spoken to my father since tried to force his way in my old room out of anger at me screaming at him: FACE THE CONSEQUENCES [of your long-term infidelity with a married woman, bastard child, and legal falsification].

I'd advice every woman in a relationship with a womanizer--never commit! Even if you get pregnant! Stupidly, my mom married the man who knocked her up. Idk if she found out before or after the wedding but this man was previously married: his first wife sued him for psychological problems and got a significant amount.

I wish he wasn't my father. I hate that I live in a house under his name. Every month, I pay bills and they're under his name. Because this 2nd house is his.

...

There's details of my life I'm ashamed to mention even anonymously.

I wish I was born and raised differently. I feel disempowered most of the time. I wish I was born a man.

I kinda hate the higher power who let me experience all this pain. I try to think that other people have it worse. But I still go back to the same though patterns of self-criticism, self-hatred, helplessness, despair and suicidal ideation.