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Don't Know what I am doing

1 week ago · 1 · Stress, +2


44

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. Why I keep seeing guys that are not interested in me. guys that do not show any interest; guys that show red flags and I keep staying there. on the same Spot. Believing their excuses for showing no effort. and also star questioning myself because maybe I am the one that is wrong.

Maybe I ask too much.

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  • AllHailTheGlowCloud · 1 week ago

    Hmmm, It seems you've noticed a pattern about the types of relationship that you have been getting into up to now... maybe a therapist could help you explore the "why"?

    I think we all tend to idealise our partners, and want to place our trust in them to act in good faith - so if a guy gives you an excuse, you're a good person and you want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

    But when people keep dealing with you in bad faith, it's quite natural to start to wonder whether the common factor in all these relationships is you.

    Unrequited love can give you a lot of the emotional rush of being infatuated with someone, but perhaps on some level you feel safer with someone who doesn't really show an interest? Somone who doesn't notice you will never see you for how you really are.

    It can feel really vulnerable to open up your squishy, irrational, insecure, ignoble aspects to another person, and have to trust that they'll still accept you, flaws and all. I wonder if these uninterested men validate a kind of surface-level image of yourself that you find more flattering, and more acceptable?

    On the fundamental level, do you believe that you truly deserve positive attention and validation, and unconditional love, even for the parts of yourself that you're less proud of?

    I think if you learn to love being yourself with friendship, curiosity and compassion towards your inner self... then you'll start to recognise that kind of love from others.

    I hope you'll find the kind of emotionally nourishing relationship you seek - you deserve to be cherished.

    Reply

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