Something I Couldn't Have

Whenever i watch romance movies, it always rains afterwards.

And the feeling of overwhelming love i had experienced back then comes flooding in. I would sigh and admittedly tell myself that I miss that feeling.

It's been a year and I still can't get past from these cornelia streets (places i've been with him, if u a swiftie you'll get it ;>). Not hoping for anything, but am still left bothered by the feelings he gave from how he treated me then left in a snap.

I guess what i'm trying to say is what he made me feel was very special to me and I think what we had was something but we just weren't in the right time to be. People always conclude that I was just his passing fling or that chick on the side. May or may not be true but at that time it all felt genuinely true. The feeling.

But when I had asked for commitment, he dawned and realized he wasn't ready. I knew he wasn't but I hoped. His actions told me otherwise what the people think. People saw how genuine he was and the people who saw us were generally moved by what we had. If they were in my eyes, they would see how he was to me. The smile, the noticing every detail, the intelligence coming out of his lips, the moments of awkward silence and then we both laugh the same time because we knew it was awkward, the out-of-nowhere staring game...

He found someone btw after a 4-5 months... I don't know when but they did and also because of me they are now legal. His mum chatted me about his ig story and I told his mother that we haven't talked for a long time. I felt bad for her not knowing who she was but it was kind of expected of him a bit. That was the first ig story that made me grow a tear and few more tears at night on my bed.

That something I couldn't have was his sweater. His favorite green sweater he gave to me in exchange from mine. I couldn't have it because he could never be mine. And I knew it. I just had to let him go, live, and find his happiness.

And I also sneaked in one of my poems when I gave him his sweater back. Read or not, I hope he gives it to someone he is sure and willing to sacrifice his entire being. I am genuinely happy and I guess i'll be happy for him silently from afar.

And yes, this overflowing emotions came from a movie i thought i could never feel again for a bit. Ahh the rain really do kick me right in the gut still.