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It is very hard and painful to accept that you will never have good relationship with your own family. That you will never be good enough and will never be accepted. I'm tired, too tired to care anymore. I just don't want to wake up. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. That would be the best, because I'm not even brave enough to end it.
I used to go swimming when I got like this. But now the only thing I think about when I'm in the water is how calm it is and I'm scared that if I go there again I would want to get out.
I will always be the too sensitive one, the messy one, the one that doesn't fold towels and clothes properly; they will never forgive me not going for that finance degree to follow in my moms steps.
You know, I've never brought a boyfriend to my family. Because I'm always afraid the moment they step a foot in their house, he will be bombarded with stories of how stupid and inadequate I am.
I've decided that if there is a even 1% chance I'm the person they are describing every chance they have, I will not have a child. I want to be a mother, but I cannot risk it.
I'm so so tired.
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I’m sorry it’s like this. I know what you mean. I never bought anyone home for the same reason. I hope the life you’re living can be made into something that’s enough for you. To have friends or a partner someday that accepts you and it helps. I know it’s not the same. I run when it gets like that for me. I hope you can mitigate the want
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