My Unsent Letter

dear, u lol

I think it all started it with you. That’s when I started to doubt myself, hate myself from time to time, when I became too trusting. but it’s all thanks to you I became in love with the idea of being happy with someone else. with writing. with reading. with myself. Gawd you did a lot. hurt me several times but I guess that’s the idea of a ‘first love’…. the way we never dated tho lol. i should’ve known you were out my league. i should’ve gotten the hint after you messed with my best friend the first two times. i should’ve gotten the hint when you started flirting with my whole friend group. Making me look stupid and easy. I had no clue. when you ghosted me and came back a few times I should’ve known. But I realized I wasn’t it when you tried with my sister. and she went for it. that’s when it hit me. the insecurities flooded in. hurt. in disbelief. i see your story now and your happy. I’m glad you are but do you get the right to be ? like yes everyone should be happy with someone. with themselves. but how come you get to be happy before me ? after you did this to me you still get to smile .. that’s what i would say if I was trying to blame it on you. But I don’t want to blame it on you anymore. it’s my fault. i gave in so easy. and kept going back bc it was familiar. it was nice to have someone want you. because you definitely didn’t ‘need’ me. lol.

That’s it for today. I feel better already lol.

from me.