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goddamn i hate my stupid roommate and her dumbass son. when she said she was a single mom i didn't think she had a whole ass KID kid. i thought like a 2 year old not a goddamn 12 year old. i hate her fucking kid so much he acts like a toddler. when i bring in MY groceries for MYself his dumbass self goes searching through my shit I paid for and steals stuff!!! and what can i say because this grown ass woman who is 32 and DEFINITELY older than me will cry like a baby and say her son is "educated." like no girl this is why your baby daddy not around.
her son does way worse shit too like he steals my food, messes with my cat when i CLEARLY say leave the poor kitty alone and even worse this kid taking pictures of my ass like a pervo lunatic. i cant tell his mom or she'll call me the weirdo like no girl look through your kids shit.
this dumbass also wears diapers at 12!!! WTF! his mom didnt have brain cells to potty train him damn if i can get my cat to shit where i want him to shit so can you woman.
damn i hate this people.
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Omfg that sounds like hell, I hope you move outta there soon
ReplyI'm going to talk about practical ways to handle this situation, but I'd first like you to extend a little compassion towards this kid and his mom - if they're house-sharing, her situation is probably not the best. 20 is still pretty young for her to have had a kid.
You're not wrong about how out of line her kid is acting - but everything is going to go a lot smoother if you can set aside how much you hate her guts, and speak to her calmly and very politely, and be willing to listen and take in her point of view.
I don't know what's going on with the diapers - some kids who have trauma or instability in their lives are prone to bedwetting - it might be that he just needs them to stay dry during the night. He may have some other medical reason for needing them - try to look for the kindest interpretation before you blame his mom.
However... If she's really incompetent at being a mother - as in, he's in diapers because he's genuinely not potty-trained, stealing your food because he hasn't been fed, and behaving inappropriately because she's really not setting expectations about how to behave, or he seems to have some serious developmental delays (acting like a toddler?) as if he hasn't had any contact with the outside world... then you should seek some advice from Social Services.
I want to make it VERY clear that Social Services are 100% a last resort - you contact them if you have reason to suspect this kid is being neglected - NOT if his mom is doing a generally OK job of feeding him, keeping him in school, and teaching him normal human social behaviours.
They're living under your roof - you're in an ideal position to observe what the situation is and ask a few kindly-worded questions before you go running to the agencies.
But if you can rule out the possibility of child abuse, and it's just a case of he's acting out, and she's not on top of it - then you need to be the one to lay down some rules and boundaries.
You need to speak to the son directly - tell him "I bought this food for myself. The arrangement in this household is that your mom buys the groceries for herself and you, and I buy groceries for myself. We're not sharing food here".
Same with the other stuff. He's 12 - therefore (unless he has a severe learning disability), he is old enough to understand boundaries, and he should expect people to tell him directly when he steps out of line.
"It is NOT OK for you to take pictures of me. I want to see you delete them, right now." "The rule in this house is that you leave Miss Kitty alone. You've shown to me that you keep trying to tease the cat when she's showing you clear signs that she's unhappy - that means I can't allow you to pet my cat. You keep away from her from now on. This is her house, too."
Make sure you follow up with mom "I had to have a word with your son, and make it clear to him that he's not allowed to touch Miss Kitty any more, since he hasn't been gentle with her. Please make sure he follows that rule, and stays away from her." or "I caught your son taking photographs of my ass with his phone. I told him off and made him delete the pictures, but I need you to have a talk with him about respecting people's privacy and not taking photos of their bodies without permission."
Even if she decides not to follow up, you're making the house rules clear to both of them, and if it doesn't stop - you can have a second conversation where you sit them both down and say "In order for this shared house situation to work, I need us all to feel safe, respected, and treated fairly - that includes Miss Kitty." - outline what you need, work out solutions (do you move Miss Kitty's food dishes, so she's less likely to run into the kid when he's in the shared spaces?), and make sure the consequences are understood - e.g. "I need to see this adhered to, and we'll check back in 1 month. If it's still not working out, I'm going to have to ask you to start looking for other appartments". Make sure the conditions for staying in your house are clear, achievable, and that you do not move the goal-posts between one conversation and the next (so if he quits the butt-pics and cat-teasing, you can't suddenly have a beef about mom leaving toothpaste in the sink, because that wasn't part of the deal).
This is a suggestion - you should keep a clear limit in your mind concerning at what point your best option is to evict them. And bear in mind that once you start that eviction process, it may take a couple of months, and you are going to have to follow it through. Expect it to be acrimonious.
You are their landlady, which comes with certain legal obligations - Make sure you know what lawful processes you have to follow in your jurisdiction when you need to evict tenants - there are usually various rights and notice periods involved. You might need to put some stuff into writing. It would feel mean to turf out a single mom and her kid, but you're also not doing anyone a kindness by allowing a stressful living situation to fester.
I hope you can reach a peaceful living situation one way or another.
Reply* I realise I interpreted "roommate" to mean that you own the house, and that she is your lodger, but I just twigged that that might not be the case.
In which case, you should keep a clear limit in your mind concerning at what point your best option is to move out.
Replythank you. i've tried to talk to her but whenever i do it leads to an argument about something completely unrelated so i just avoid her altogether. it would be more mature for me to try to be kind to her that's true i'm just a little mad because she said she was going to move out and get her own place once she had enough money, and that her brother was sending her cash, but i see her spending the whole day wasting it on designer clothes and whatnot while leaving her kid to wreak havoc all over the house. thankfully we've started to make progress with my cat though so that's a start. thanks for this comment
ReplyIt sounds like she's got no intention on really getting her act together, so I don't think you can rely on her ever moving out. You could try setting a deadline, but it's probably a lot easier to move yourself than to try to move her. I'm glad you've managed to keep your kitty safe, but she sounds like a real pain in the neck to try to deal with.
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