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my dad wasnt always the best growing up and he always had/has a really harsh tone and he was always really strict/blunt. me and my cousins were always afraid of him. i always cried after getting yelled at by him or when i had to confront/ask him about stuff. i realized tho, recently, that ive been tearing up when he just talks to me. like at all. idk if its repressed anger or if its genuine sadness or idk what it is. even when he talks to me in a soft manner i get this lump in my throat and my eyes start swelling up. im so tired of crying automatically like this.
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Im not a doctor but as someone you grew up with a Narcissistic, emotionally abusive and occasionally physically abusive father figure and a bipolar mother, so spent my life on mephoricnal egg shells and I still am. I would say that it’s an anxiety attack, childhood memory’s of that fear are still there whether they’re are valid or not, it stems from our need as the child/offspring of love and Approval, those subconscious thought will unfortunately stay until they are overcome. This can be done by talking with him if you feel comfortable and safe to do so, if not with someone else.
Not exactly a cheerful message but I hope it helps and wish you a happy and healthy life
ReplyI think this is a trauma response. Check in on your thoughts and maybe, write them up in a piece of paper. Monitor them. Are you having a flashback? Remind yourself that you're safe right now and he can't hurt you anymore. Also, practicing gratitude helps. There's an excellent book on Complex PTSD by Pete Walker. If possible, get your hands on a copy.
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