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So Im psychologically messed up, right?
Here me out….
Nature: schizophrenic grandmother, bipolar mother, father unknown.
Nurture: raised mainly by schizophrenic grandmother till six, abandoned by father at five, raised by emotional and occasionally physically abusive narcissistic father figure and bipolar mother till fourteen, they divorced and 20 now living with two bipolar parents waiting of the next outburst or episode and I can’t leave
Severe Anxiety since I was 4, only getting worse
Depression since I was 10, also getting worse
Wished I was never born at 11
Walked in on my brother trying to kill him self at 12
Unable to express emotions by 14
A need to make people smile, laugh and happy because I’m used to chaos and fear
To afraid to get therapist because:
Anxiety, depression, c-ptsd, possibly autistic, probably bipolar, potentially schizophrenic
I’mma be drugged and locked up
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This is all true if you let your past define your future. We tend to get what we expect (the good and the bad). If you want a good life, it can only be possible if you change what you think about, what you expect.
You are not your thoughts. You are not even the brain / mind that has these thoughts. You are one who can and should decide which thoughts are worthy of your attention and considerations. You have this very valuable, powerful, and sometimes complicated thinking instrument that needs to be better understood and managed. Until you take charge of this challenge, you will be managed by it ( your thoughts, memories, opinions, added stories, expectations, etc.).
What I can suggest will sound a little odd but may be worth a closer look if you are tired of suffering. We can do some back and forth here until you can navigate on your own. Interested?
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