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I went through a rough experience that I feel like will stay with me as long as I live. In the end, i made it successfully but my perfectionism doesn't really let me enjoy things. I was already an anxious person but this made my anxiety even bigger, I get nervous very easily and I also have anger management issues. This issue delayed my life by a year and I know it may not seem like a big deal, but I have cultivated this toxic mindset in my head that life is only important when you're young. I'm turning 20 in some months and just the thought of it makes me depressed. Except for that, I have some other inferiority complexes and I always put others before myself, in the way that I'd rather make my parents happy rather than myself. The thing is I do not have the money to go to a psychiatrist right now, I've been wanting to for some years now but my parents never really took my anxiety issues into account when I was younger. So, how can I help myself until I'm able to ask for specialised help?
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20 is young. Plenty of things you can do. Online there are plenty of resources. Meditation, exercise, also look up CODA if you struggle with putting your own needs first
ReplyHiii! OMG I genuinely feel you. I feel like it's me writing the message a few years back. First of all, sending hugs with consent. I' m 20 ( i just got 20 this year) and to cope with that, I did a lot of stuffs that I thought would help me feel better at least. I started loosening up by trying to settle for mediocrity/not being the best. This felt very odd to be honest because I am used to me being the best as a competitive perfectionist. The truth that I found is that the reason why I feel nervous easily is because I was so afraid of what others will say, their disappointments especially from my parents, the judgements if ever I fail to comply to the societal image of being an achiever that I myself have built (which I realize after having to think of it thoroughly). I was the one who set my own expectations after all. And then, I also realize that I was being a perfectionist and always trying to aim to be the best because I want my parents to be proud; I was longing for appreciation and words of affirmation. With that, I also started to prioritize mingling with friends and even tried to explore being in a relationship because I told myself I need this - for my social being and other aspects of my life to grow. But lemme tell you, all the stuffs I did for myself made me just feel more miserable. The things that I once thought I need and want ended up to be the things that made me feel lost all the more (maybe because I have turned into a different person trying to find and fix me; and while in the process, I have lost myself because I was not being me anymore). So, my advice to u my friend is to find your greatest WHY - the why's behind all of your why's in life. I started by asking myself why do i do the things that i do? If it's just for fame or to feed our ego, and all the other mundane reasons, we're bound to get astray. But if it is for a greater cause, then we'll eventually find ourselves being more free because we're not limited anymore of our fears.
This is me speaking from my experience. Self-reflection really did help me a lot, just writing my thoughts and speaking to myself. Also, reading the Bible is my secret medicine because it is where I have learned on how to cling onto something greater than myself. Hope this helps! Sending hugs once again!
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