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Frozen of anxiety
1 month ago · · Need Advice, · Explicit
So I had another argument with my mom because of my Ph.D. She shouted at me and insulted me and put me down again because I do not want to arrange a meeting with the pro-rector. I have a problem with my advisor and dean who are not willing to allow me to defend my dissertation. Our school rules do not say how to solve such a situation. The study office is on vacation, I do not know when the dean will be there but she is a neurotic bitch who bullied me. My advisor was humiliating me for over 2 years. I am scared and I have anxiety. I froze every time I have to solve something with them. My mom's shouting at me does not make it any better. Moreover, she started to wake me up in the early morning again and also in the afternoon when I have a nap - it is annoying because I went to sleep at 2 AM so I AM TIRED. and exhausted. She shouted at me that I do not do anything and I am "waiting for a prince who does not come" (her marriage was trash so she seems to hate the idea of me as a woman with a need for love life and even worse it seems like she wants me to stay under her control because she is so worried about me)
She also plans my future, and what I should do after my Ph.D. and I refuse and it makes her angry. I want to go abroad but she still gave me some other options on how to stay or stay closer. I am SO frustrated that I am here. I have no friends here, my friend from childhood is married with little children. Local boys are not attractive to me (lack of education and alcoholism or they are in a relationship, also we are a small town)
what to do? arrange the meeting? I am scared and frozen. It seems the pro-rectore has no power to do anything...I am also worried it would make our dean even more furious