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I never leave my house, only in extreme circumstances. It was two years ago, I was on an app and I was on live when someone said “I’d I add you, you look trans”. This complexity broke me to pieces and two years later I’m still struggling because every where I go, every public setting I go to people just stare and laugh at me. They gossip and make comments. They Brantley say it to my face too. I can’t do this anymore. Nothing is helping and I hate the way I look even more. I never look the mirror anymore because I just see what they see, I think to my feels maybe they’re right, I do look manly and I can’t change it. The worst part about this is that the gym I joined spread a rumour about me being transgender and now whenever I go there , they laugh! They make fun of me. They gossip so much and I hate it, I hate the feeling. I hate it so much. Why do I deserve this??? I can’t change the way I look. I’m always nice to people but then I get this? Now I’m afraid my family sees like this too. It ruined my life. I stopped all my interests. I’ve never in my life felt so hopeless and depressed. My social anxiety has gotten worse. I hate people. I hate public. Why do I look like this?? Why are you mean to me? Why do you say such things? I’ve never done anything to you. You ruined my life, I lost my friends because of this. I get scared when people look at me and get regular panic attacks. I know it shouldn’t affect me this badly but it does! I don’t want to admit this but I know I am sensitive and anything that anyone says to me affects me forever. I also never sleep at night because I replay everything that has happened and every mean comment they said to me, how they humiliated me. I know it won’t ever end and it’ll carry on for the rest of my life because I can’t change the way I look. I want to end it so that it just stops. I don’t want to do this anymore, I have no point in living if this constantly is going to happen.
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There are supportive communities-please reach out. https://lalgbtcenter.org/social-service-and-housing/transgender/support
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