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It’s funny how no matter how many times I’d tried to break it off, he was always persuading me to stay. I broke up with him once. And we both thought it was over until I texted him few says later because it was too much for me to handle the grief.
I thought he would be cold and not even respond. But he was there. Like always. Still persuading me to stay.
“We can fix it. We can work it out.”
We were toxic. He was controlling me and I hated what we were becoming the worst version of ourselves.
He was changing to be better and I was changing for the worse. While he changed back to the good or maybe even better version of himself, I became the raging, angry self who resented him for what he did in the past.
Eventually my hatred outweighed the love and I decided to leave. I never thought the grief would be that bad. I couldn’t breathe, it hurt like i was being stabbed in my heart over and over again, i was depressed, I hated him, I blamed him, I kept thinking about him, I missed him.
I loved him.
I couldn’t stop my fingers from texting him. And so here we are now. Still dating. Idk where it’s going and idk how it’s going to be. I’m scared asf.
Maybe we’ll find a middle ground. Maybe we won’t. All I hope for is happiness for both of us.
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