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I am a 21 years old female college student. I have two amazing best friends that I met in my prep year. We are inseparable since then. When we first met, 3 years ago, one of them fell in love with my roommate who is very alike me in the terms of personal traits and physical appearance. I encouraged him to talk to her. She declined, he got upset but they decided to stay friends. However, after the incident, she started to act unpleasantly towards me and excluded herself from our social group.
I and my two friends shared a lot of things, especially with the one that was in love with my roommate and as the time passed I realized I am connected to him deeper than I thought. Everyone shipped us and say that we are like a couple but I was seeing him as a brother. Pandemic hit, I lost a loved one, my grades dropped, I got depressed and he was always there for me. He did everything for me and I opened up to him as I have never done to anyone.
After lockdown, we went back to campus and got even closer. I do not know still if this is love or not but one day when we were staying at our other friend's home I did something terrible. I kissed him when I was drunk and he stopped me then carried me to bed, tuck me in and left. The other day, he said that "You probably thought that I am someone else because you were talking nonsense" But no. I am not sure what I was exactly thinking... I remember thinking he will never love me the way I want him to be so why not just steal one kiss? But I regret it with my whole being because that was rape, he didn't give me consent and I am a terrible person. Now we talked about it later and I didn't confess anything, and We ask each other whether we love each other romantically or not. He said "I considered it before but it was easier to stay as friends and then I realised no, I do not love you", I lied and said no too. I ask about his love for my roommate too and he said it was like flash in the pan. Quick and strong, nothing important.
NOW I AM IN PAIN. I WANT TO CONFESS SO BAD HOPING HE LIED TO ME TOO HOWEVER I CAN NOT HELP FEELING JEALOUS. Even in the scenario that he is lying; after all these years and all that happened, still he does not love me enough to confess. I am not even a " flash in the pan". Even though I love him so deeply, he did not. I am in love for the first time. He is my first love and I have to act like I do not want to kiss him every moment that we are together. I am so jealous of my roommate for declining what I am dying for.
SHOULD I CONFESS AND RISK MY FRIENDSHIP WITH THE TWO PERSON THAT I AM MOST CLOSED TO (Because probably our third friend will be grossed out by me too) OR SHOULD I SUFFER SILENTLY?
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Do not dare to confess. Trust me. No and no. You will suffer for like maybe 2 months and then you are gonna move on. You are young it will pass
ReplyMaybe try telling him. But do not expect him to reciprocate your feelings. Hiding your feelings only make them grow more. So tell him that you love him romantically but you have no intention of destroying your friendship. Make it crystal clear that you'd never mess up with your friendship because of your feelings. Tell him that you thought it would be better to tell him than hiding it from him. I'm sure he'd understand. Tell him if you trust him.
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