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Living the dream,
Yet through my eyes, it's hollow.
Feeling each moment immensely.
Then when it passes,
it's gone.
I'm not sad or lonely...
I'm just dim.
Dim in my soul.
Foggy thoughts,
faded memories.
I feel like I have lost my sense of self.
Maybe its depression,
addiction,
disassociation.
Maybe I just like to freeze time for a bit.
Drinking does that.
But 10 years goes by in a flash when you aren't there for it.
Maybe deep down, I am sad.
But do I want to feel it?
Do I want to face the demons that reach for the bottle?
Or is it better to succomb to the poison.
To give in, let the feelings fade.
Keep distance from the memories that make me feel broken.
Unsee the past, even if I lose the good.
Because although I am 'living the dream'..
clearing the fog,
means feeling it all.
...and I don't think I am ready for that.
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