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Recently I’ve realized I withhold a lot of emotions. It’s been so hard for me to stop hiding them in those moments that emotions should be shown.
When I’m angry I act like the matter is not that important to me and I’m not hurt. When I’m happy or excited my face is super indifferent.
The worst thing is that it’s so out of my control. I don’t realize I’m doing it until I feel something is wrong afterwards, and it’s too late to express anything.
It’s driving me crazy…
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You should practice expressing your emotions. Fake it till you make it. Decide ahead of time what emotion will be needed for the circumstance you are about to face, and when the time comes, fake it. You will love the result. This will encourage you to fake it again and pretty soon you will forget this was ever a major concern.
ReplyTHIS is actually my new problem. I’ve been faking emotions for a loooong time. I WISHED I loved the result, but I HATE it. It’s not me.
For example I go to a party and fake all these emotions over and over again for hours, but when I come back home I just want to do DIE.
it’s like I haven’t LIVED those hours. Like I’ve been in somebody else’s body. It’s like I’ve cheated on me and it feels disgusting.
I just want to be me and show my emotions but it seems impossible. I still feel deeply judged and unloved. Always.
ReplyConsider this. Emotions are only bodily sensations that have the story about it that you have attached. Try withholding the story and the added opinions. Just feel the sensation without naming it. It will dissolve from lack of attention. You also have an elaborate story going on about how you show up in the world and how awkward and inauthentic it is. These are just thoughts that come and go - thoughts that are uninvited and unwanted that are looking for energy you provide to persist. Your attention and the added stories and opinions provide that energy.
We pretty much get what we expect because anything other than this is a fiction, an illusion, or is only temporary. As long as you maintain your current view about your life, it will not change. If you experience something that is positive, your view on who and how you are will have to change before the new positive thing can have an impact on your life. Your glass is either half full (and will continue to fill) OR it is half empty (and will continue to drain). It is never both.
Change you view (opinion about how it is) and your life will follow this lead.
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