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1 month ago · · Poetry,
silence is the enemy of complacency
only in the briefest moments when i allow myself to be still — do I internalize the depth of my unrest.
stillness creeps upon me in the nights when i can no longer distract myself with phantom conversations and flashing lights
when stories can no longer supplant the feelings i lack
when my actions appear to me as those of another
when the days bleed into one, and all i feel is that i am dissatisfied,
when the pressure can no longer be ignored and doubt becomes the torrent filling my helmet as the bottom of the ship floats further and further away.
in the deep, i feel at home.
the darkness obscures the truth i dare not observe
my lungs sting, and my mind shrieks out in horror as i watch myself sink ever further.
when i was younger, in my family's pool, I could simply relax, and i would float straight to the surface.
today i sink. and though i tell myself that tomorrow ill start swimming, i know that no amount of words will bring me air.
no amount of theory will ease the screaming of my lungs
no amount of promises will lift my mind from the haze
no amount of smoke will put my feet on land
so i sink ever further into the deep.
i imagine myself one day reaching the surface
but the truth is that i am sinking even now
the oxygen is running out
the light above me fades
maybe ill start swimming tomorrow
then again thats what i said yesterday