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I’m married for 7 years now. My husband was great. He was practically my bestfriend. Until one day everything changes. It all started with mean words whenever he gets mad. He never abuses me physically but his words were always as sharp as a knife to my heart. Everything that I do was always wrong in his eyes. Before I was married to him, I was an overachiever, But now, I almost always second guessing my judgement. Until there comes a time when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t recognize myself anymore. I don’t feel pretty, I only feel useless and hate my own reflection. Overtime, I started to realize that for years he has gaslighted me and really broke me to pieces until I have nothing to hold on to. And suddenly, a friend of mine from the past came back to my life. He was couple of years younger than me. I remember that he used to confide in me whenever he was in trouble years ago. He came back to my life and told me that he had feelings for my dearest cousin. But my cousin has a boyfriend. So he confided in me. Over the means of days, we become very close. I also started to confide in him. Knowing that our relationship was platonic I feel like I finally have a place to vent. Over days we started video calling each other every day, though he always says that to him I’m just like his big sister and his safe space. I never told my husband about him.
One day, my husband found out about our friendship. He was broken hearted and saying that I cheated on him. He cried a lot, and right there i knew that he still loves me. I told him everything, about my struggles, about how depressed i am for keeping everything by myself for years, how at times i’m thinking about killing myself. Now, we are still working on our marriage. He has trust issues on me, and now he sometimes has anxiety if he remembers about that issue. but I have made a commitment to help him get through that
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Since you had a partner, you shouldn't let others comfort you specially from a man. In my opinion.
ReplyYou have a family crisis. It often happens after 3 and 7 years of marriage. I don't think you cheated because you didn't have romantic relationship with your friend. As for your marriage, there is nothing to work on. He abuses you mentally that is why you started talking to another guy. Think about pros and cons of this marriage. And you need to visit a psychotherapist.
ReplyI agree you shouldn’t feel guilty. Yes he is hurt that you confided in someone else but can he blame you when you were clearly fearful in your relationship because of your partner’s behaviour. If your partner won’t accept his role in this outcome and take responsibility there is no future in this relationship. I agree that a therapist would help you, and there is only future in this marriage if your husband can take responsibility for his actions. If not, my advice is to seek help (therapy, friends, support groups) and look out for yourself. Stop worrying about your husband for a moment, perhaps there is love there but he has abused you. You need a healthy respect for yourself so this cannot happen again, either in this or a future relationship. Look up Codependents Anonymous, you may feel this is relevant to you and your relationship. Meetings are available in person and online. Help is out there and I believe in you 💙
ReplyI really don't think that you "cheated"on him, you didn't do anything wrong except for not communicating, you should always COMMUNICATE however hard it is. If something he says and that hurts you, you need to point it out right there and then, and try to notice a pattern, if you constantly does things that hurt you, even if you told him not to do it, then you must draw the line there and leave him, but if he has changed and is putting in efforts to make you guys work, then he deserves the chance, i wish the best for you❤️
ReplyI'm very young to reply you this but one thing I learned in relationship in your low never close to someone especially when you are relationship beacuse it always let you to take wrong decision and that person look right and good to you. And also maybe that person take advantage of your low condition
ReplyCommunication is a huge part of a committed relationship; you stopped communicating with your husband, and started communicating with someone else. So if you feel like you cheated, it might be because deep, personal communication is usually reserved between a committed couple. But, since it wasn't adultery, there is probably a chance to repair the relationship. Best of luck.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
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