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Ever since I was born, no one has ever seen me as a very important person in their life. I've always been the one who looks from the window. Maybe because I am a person who's mostly in the back, I was never able to receive love. Or at least, the love I expect. My family and close friends love me, but I've never been as the number one daughter or friend for them. It's more like they love me just because I'm their daughter, or just because I've been for them in hard times. People see me as a comfort doll that they tell their problems to. But this is just for my close friends. In general I am a person you would talk to, like me but not be friends with me, and then find me annoying. This has always been the case. It feels like people see me as a pushover. I am a doll who can be quickly replaced. Sometimes I think that there is some kind of energy that surrounds me which pushes people away. I know that the problem is not in me, but I can't help but think so sometimes.
I feel like loneliness is something I have to bear with me until death.
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I understand how you feel and I wrote similar thoughts many times during the years of high school and college. For some people, loneliness never truly goes away, you just get a new perspective on it. I know who I am now, and with that I know that some of my loneliness is due, in part, to me. I build up walls and don’t trust many people and am generally introverted and in my own world a lot of the time. I have a hard time balancing my independence with relationships.
There are plenty of people in your life who care about you, even if it’s not the kind of care you thought you’d have. Sometimes we make it up in our minds that no one really loves us or likes us, but I’ve found that’s usually the depression taking and is not usually true. You are loved, and it’s okay to feel lonely. Use the time to grow yourself and understand who you are. Focus on a couple close relationships and put effort into them as best you can.
ReplyThanks for sharing; don't think that loneliness is something for which you have to settle. The easiest places to meet people is to volunteer for something you support, or learn a new hobby and meet with people who have same hobby. In these ways - you surround yourself with people who are focused on learning or helping, instead of using you as a crutch. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
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