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I’m a 17 year old, and my Dad has cancer. He was first diagnosed in November last year and treatment was so painful he took a break. Because of this, his cancer has spread and he cannot take care of himself. My Dad is retired, my Mom works full-time and my older brother is in college but doesn’t want to work. I quit my job at the end of May so I could help my Mom and spend more time with my Dad. My dad would fall a lot because he could not hold himself so he is now only in his room. When I come to see him he is usually sleeping. When my Mom leaves to work it’s just me and him until my brother wakes up at 5pm/6pm. It’s very hard, especially before we moved him to stay in his room. My Mom gets very overwhelmed and we all struggle with anxiety and depression. I’ve asked my Mom multiple times to put my Dad in a home to get the proper care and treatment he deserves. My mom doesn’t want to, because she is a Filipino immigrant with only her green card and is scared to lose the only guide in America she’s ever had. She could never get her citizenship because she was first denied, then we got too busy with my Dad for her to try again. I feel a huge responsibility that my teachers at school also weigh on me to take care of my Mom. I care about her, and I want the best for her, even though she has not always felt the same towards me. I’ve always had plans of moving out into an apartment and working full time and possibly attending college. My Dad has always had health issues like heart attacks and strokes since I was born when he was in his fifties. All my life it’s been about my parents or brother so I never had time to decide what I liked and didn’t like. I feel like if I focus on myself, it’s selfish and that there are other people more deserving of help. All my life I’ve been stuck taking care of everyone. I feel like I can’t do this anymore. I can’t take care of anyone, not even myself. I can’t hold onto this backpack of grief, depression and stress like I have for these 17 long years. I cope by distracting myself but everything just strangles me the second I snap back into reality. I have no friends at school and the ones I do have don’t care about me. All my relationship I’ve been taken advantage of for my kindness and body. I know it’s all going to get worse from here. I don’t want it to. I just wish I could be content with myself and I didn’t feel obligated to take care of everyone around me. I’m so very exhausted and I no longer love the things I love. Sometimes I wish I could sleep and stay there forever.
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In Australia there are places that employ people to care for the elderly and do their housework for them so if there are places like these where you are contact one of them, explain your situation, and ask where to go for help.
ReplyI’m sorry to hear about your family struggles. It’s hard being the caretaker when you were supposed to be the kid. You need to develop a balance between caring for others and taking care of yourself. If your mom refuses to put him in a home, then she has made her own choice. All you can do is help, but not to the point where it costs you your own mental health. Talk to a counselor about the depression and anxiety you feel. There are plenty of online resources to help. Prioritize doing things for yourself again. Set boundaries for how much you are willing to do at home and communicate those to your mom.
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