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I always wondered why I crave so much attention and I get so much jealous in relationships and why am I sometimes dependent on my partners and want their approval.... I guess I figured it out I was never my mom's favorite she loves me , she cares for me but it's obvious that she loves my brother more than me he hasn't achieved anything in his life he's 29 jobeless working partime jobs while I graduated from college I applied for a master degree and working partime in my field all of this just to get her attention and to make her proud of me when I got my first paycheck (from my internship) I bought her a new phone it was decent but I spent all my money on it she didn't appreciate it or like it but when my brother is working and buys her something cheap she would get so happy...when me and my brother fight she always takes his side no matter what he has all his childhood photos(which are many) in cases and one of them is in the living room while mine are like 10 photos in total without any case or album I struggled financially and straved myself to continue my education but all she saw was when my brother lost his weight due to our financial struggles when he could've worked and helped us get through it ,his plate of food is always fuller and bigger than anyone in the house even if he wouldn't eat his plate no one is alowed to touch it until it goes bad.... I've always ignored this conclusion because I know it's painful but I just wish she kept him alone instead of bringing me to this world and making me feel like sh*t whatever I do is just not enough and he's always her favorite she says you're both equal but it's just isn't fair I'm turning 23 but I feel like this had so many consequences on my love life and my life in general plus my dad was always working he was absent from my life so I got daddy issues as well I just wish I could get therapy or someone who could listen or share the same pain as me I'm tired of feeling like I always have to prove myself to everyone it affected my life so much and I can't deal with the consequences.....
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