To the Love I Can No Longer Hope For

Lily,

I can understand why you did what you did. I knew most of the pain and suffering that went on in your head. Even after we broke off our engagement, I never stopped loving you. When I was falling for other people I saw the best parts of you in them.

Now that you are dead and gone I feel so alone. That empathic connection we shared is gone and now I’m filled with despair. I wish you knew that I knew I never should have let you go. I never wanted to. I could never leave you and it showed cause I kept coming back. No matter how much I hated what you did, I kept coming back. I kept fighting for you and loving you.

I still wanted to spend the rest of my life with you in any way I could. I wanted the best for you and tried to help you get there. Why’d you have to leave me behind when you promised you wouldn’t. You knew I have a fear of everyone leaving me behind and me being left on my own so you promised to always be by my side. I love you so much and every day without you is a day that I have to stab myself in the heart to just get through it.

The hopes and dreams we shared, I’m going to have to do it for both of us. You were and still are the love of my life. Nobody ever held a candle to how you made me feel. The worst part was that I could never tell you goodbye while you were still alive. You didn’t talk to me about what was troubling you, when I knew something was wrong and I asked you.

I wish for a lot of things that could have been different, but most of all I just hope and pray that at the end of my natural lifespan I can see you waiting for me. Waiting for me and we can pick up where we left off and spend the rest of our lives together like we were meant to.

I love you Lily, please watch over me and help guide me so that one day I can see you face to face again, hold you tight, and never let you go.

Sincerely,

The boy you left behind

Noah