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I know you won’t see this but at least I won’t feel so distant. Today is the first day in nearly a year I didn’t wake up and talk to you, I miss you. I hope you slept well and I hope you have a good day and morning. I won’t lie the urge to just text you is intense but I know you’re better off this way, with out me you know. I woke up and look at your pictures and I won’t lie I cried, feels like part of me died but the best parts none of the shit I want to get rid of. I’m sorry I’ve hurt you, more sorry than I am about anything else I’m sorry I hurt you ever. I love you so much and I was soooo excited to have a life with you, a daughter with your eyes was all I ever wanted in life. To build a family with you, all those dumb ass things you only see in movies but it all felt so real with you, so attainable. I hate that I got in my own way, allowed stupid insecurities to ruin the best thing I’ve ever known. I wish I was better with words so I could explain it better for you, Ik how small it must make you feel that I have such deep insecurities or you feel I’m choosing something over you or you weren’t enough. That was never the case though, I have never been happier than I was with you. I hate that I couldn’t just get over those issues, that I could be everything you need from me like you were for me. I’ve tried getting over my insecurities I really have. You’re so beautiful I wish you saw yourself like I do, you changed your profile pic today too. It was one of my favorite pictures of you 🥹 made me happy to see your trying to still be yourself and move on. It’ll happen faster than you think, I just hope you can forget me and some how the damage I’ve caused you will go away. I hope whatever happens you’ll find the deep type of happiness that you gave me for yourself. I hope you don’t hate me but I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I hope you know I’m not ignoring you because I don’t want to talk, I miss you so much but i know you’re better off without me here. I love you Lily so much, thank you for all you have done for me. I guess there’s so much to say but at some point I have to stop writing and accept you’re going to be gone. I miss you, always and forever
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