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I think it started off at an early age when I was in elementary school. Back then, I really didn't care for anything but myself. I wouldn't say I was a kind person but I had somewhat of a compassionate heart. i forgot to mention that I had a hard time saying words which were due to a speech impediment and a lisp I had. So now let's take a look back at the 2nd grade when I met a girl who really caught my attention. I liked her but she didn't like me back at all. I made the fact that I liked her really open because I really didn't care if anyone else cared. Looking back on it now I think I can see why she didn't like me bc now I realize that I really wasn't good-looking back then but that's just my point of view. Now after the 2nd grade I had moved to a different school where I was constantly criticized for my speech impediment to the point of my self-confidence dropping significantly. my classmates would say stuff like "say this word or ill never be your friend again" and I being desperate did it which made me a laughing stock. All of that happened till 6th grade which really didn't stop but I got better at taking it. Moving on to me being a freshman in high school, where i see the girl i liked in 2nd grade appear in 2 of my classes. she was on my mind since 2nd grade because of course she was my first love (it's weird ik) but after noticing that it was her, I got the courage to talk to her and she gave me her number. i thought she gave me her number so that we could be more than friends but i was wrong, she gives her number to everyone. i didn't care though because i thought we could be more than friends... now fast forward a month later and now were talking frequently and now i finally got the balls to ask her out.
She rejects me and says i think of you as a friend...now at the time I was planning to do the classic "i didn't like you anyways ugly" but i stopped myself from doing that because i really did like her. i was thinking of blocking her but i realized that my friend kinda liked her so i asked her one last thing which was if she favored my friend. she did like my friend and my friend asked me to be his wingman with her. i became the wingman since I didn't have any romantic feelings for her (which later I realized I did).
now I can see them dating and flirting while I'm single, I don't know what to do in life because I can't stop thinking about her. I cry every night knowing that she doesn't like me at all and I'm kinda even suicidal...
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Your parents should have taken you to a speech therapist when you were younger. You pinned your hopes on this girl which isn't a very wise thing to do. There are other girls out there so go look for someone else instead of moping over this one. If you still have a speech impediment see a speech therapist because that will help you a lot.
ReplyThats heavy mann hope you're doing a little better at least :( also don't overthink it its not weird, honestly fuck those people who bullied you. However you should try to move on from your first love and focus on yourself, you'll find your someone eventually
But hey at least she ended up with someone you trust? That's a good takeaway imo
Also the "i didn't like you anyways ugly" raised a red flag hmm
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