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"mother" what a shitty word and what a shitty mother she is.
1 year ago · 1 · Losing hope, +3 · Explicit
276
I've lost all meaning to her. she doesn't treat me as her daughter only when it comes to my 2 younger siblings. I've had to take care of myself all the time. she doesn't show me affection she doesn't talk to me unless its something she tells me to do for her or for my 2 younger siblings. She doesn't acknowledge me for shit. no one does unless its for something they want or need me to do. ive been alone all my life and ive come to accept that and im fine with that. but now i just hate affection when it comes from her. she stopped coming home sometimes ever since i was in 8th grade. when i was in middle school she never let me slip up. she was always on my ass. she favors them and i dont have a problem with that because I don't want the affection from her in the beginning. but what one of my moms friend said one time hit close to home. my mom dropped me and my sister off with her friend lets call her alexa because we were in alexas daughters quince. when she was dropping her off alexa must've noticed how my mom only showed affection to my sister while i was just standing a bit far from then while that happen and when we got in alexas car she asked me if my mom talked to me. i said yes but that was a lie shes never talked to me shes only talked to me when its something she wants. she asked me if i had a good relationship and i said yes. what a lie. ive come to terms that ive never accepted her as a mom well a mom to me and i hate her. she wants me to be a good student who gets good grades in school and she wants me to graduate high school and go to college but she doesn't know that i dont see myself graduating high school or going to college. i dont see myself in this world in 3-4 years. ive stopped caring for myself ever since 7th grade. I barely eat anymore my mental health is fucked up and ive stopped finding anything interesting anymore everything's is boring. music is my sanity, my escape, somewhere where i can be myself. ive lost all meaning for her.she doesnt mean anything to me. i dont care what happens to her, if she dies i wont cry for her i dont acknowledge her when shes home i dont care if shes here or not i dont need her. my siblings might but i dont she isnt a mother to me and never will no matter what she does. im emotionally unstable, i dont know how i feel and i certainly dont wanna know how i feel. i get high to feel something or to forget about everything.
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I’m sorry you are having to deal with all of that. Sounds like a difficult situation. You should try talking with your mom about how you feel. I know most kids don’t think their parents will listen or care, but most parents do to some degree. Tell her how she makes you feel, but don’t be mean or accusatory. I know it’s hard not to feel anger or resentment when telling her, but you want her to listen, and she will be less inclined to listen or care is she is being yelled at. Most people will become stubborn when yelled at or when someone is angry at them. Talking to her may help improve your relationship, and that can lead to you feeling less alone. You don’t want to spend your whole life in regret and resentment of your mother. And if she doesn’t change or things don’t improve after having that calm talk, then start looking into ways to move out. Get a job. Or go to college so you don’t have to rely on her for money down the road since you’ll have a more stable job. You can’t carry around this resentment and anger towards your mom forever, it’s such a heavy burden to bear alone. I hope one day you are able to put it to rest
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