Wait list (weightless)

How I wonder whether I do things right

My thoughts betray me in the dark of night

Longing to do good, my intentions resent me

I am the victim of sorrowful envy

I wrestle to continue with breath

Does the anguish suffice with death

Does continuing on bring a joyful path

I am the victim of mental wrath

Faith is bright and guides my way

Yet revolving sins is where I bathe

I know the way the truth the life

I am the victim of unending strife

Will I pull through or leave this realm

That answer I know already

Whether by my hand or other means

death is promised regrettably

I long for thoughts to cease at night

And have my soul be still

they only grow louder with each passing hour

I am a victim of solitudes chill

But yet I lay fading away, depression blights my hope

How can I have faith so strong in God

Yet long for death unprovoked

I smile and waive and say "I'm okay"

Inside my mind im screaming

Yearning for the pain to fade

I am the victim of futile dreaming

I toil away and grind down this body

For money to build sandcastles

Looking back it was never worth it

My happiness only unraveled

I'm a shred of a man, an ember at most

A sliver of what I once was

How can a heart still beat through grief

I am victim because it does

So whats the solution to lifes venomous kiss

Toil, depression, anxiety, perplexing thoughts persist

I'll give it a day I say everyday

And press forward once again

But my heart grows feint and eyes grow dim

I am a victim of my own dismay