Thank you Hunter

Years ago I was extremally depressed but I had to keep that to myself as "mental health" is non-existent to my family. It was one night where I was cramming for a bio test and switch just flicked and the thoughts rushed to my head. "Why am I alive?" "Im a nobody", "waste of space", "kys,kys,kys", "i deserve to die". I couldn't think properly and made the rash decision to attempt to take my life. I took a handful of random pills I had, turns out they were expired. Apart of me knew I wasn't really glint to die but I simply needed that fear and excitement to think I would. Hours later I woke up with the sharpest pain in my stomach, a full 10/10 on the scale. I started to cry and went to my dad who had been drinking well he was on the computer (a regular thing), I sobbed and stated we needed to go to the hospital immediately. He asked why and I explained, he quickly told me that "its fine, just go back to bed". However the pain was too much so I just sobbed in my bed, he came to check on me and I asked to go to the hospital again, he said no. He then woke up my sister and told her to deal with me. I immediately felt guilty as now she has to stay up with me because of my decisions. I tried to stop crying but still wanted to go to the hospital, my sister clearly caring yet slightly annoyed as she just wanted to sleep (understandable). I began to pass out for short periods, I ran straight into a door, and unconsciously fell off my bed. I begged my dad one last time if we could go, he got annoyed and said "wait an hour, then well see". I was mad, what the fuck did he mean "well see", what if I dropped the bomb right here and now that I tried to kill my self and you cant even bat a fucking eye at me and this pain. That moment, I wished so badly I succeeded in killing myself because not even my dad cared. However I didn't. I don't need sympathy on this post and I'm not trying to trigger anyone, this memory just wouldnt let me sleep tonight.

- a lonely writer