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I am a female fresh grad working as a freelancer. Recently my mother injured her leg and I have been taking care of her every single day. My elder brother never helped out with anything before and now. Every day for years, he has been spending his time playing computer games from the moment he wake up until he falls asleep. I feel really upset that despite I am the one who does everything, it's like my mother cares more about him. If I am hungry, I have to cook for myself but if he is hungry, my mother will cook for him or either ask me to cook for him. I told her many times to let my brother cook for himself but then she gets angry at me for not helping to cook. There are many times when I got called useless for not helping her or taking a longer time to do things because of exhaustion. But she doesn't say things like this to my brother even though he did not even lift a finger to help around the house. Life is so unfair and I feel exhausted that I have to earn money and help around the house like a maid. I can't move out because I am the only one who can help my mother. If I move out, my brother will not take care of her and she will have to do all the housework. I don't want her to handle all the housework alone and I am the only one she can rely on. No matter how many times I asked her to ask my brother to help out with the housework, my brother still won't listen and my mother is too lenient with him. I have been patience for so long and I just don't really know what to do. I feel so tired and the stress is really getting too much for me that I feel physical pain lately.
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I feel that you need to set some boundaries in regards to your circumstances. You simply say, "This is what I am going to do and nothing more." Then you hold those boundaries as law. I've done this many times in my own household concerning my mother's health and the care that I give her. A person can only take so much and it is YOU who gets to decide how much that really is. Not him, not her, you.
ReplyThank you for your advice. I really hope I can get through with my mother with this method. It's really upsetting that she scolds me and calls me useless for a whole day or two for not helping her out. Plus most of the times, she doesn't apologize for scolding me. When I'm upset at her for not asking my brother to help, she scolds me too and asks me to apologize to her for making her feel unwell.
ReplyYour mother sounds VERY toxic. That's her fault not yours. If, at any point it's convenient, I would truly think about moving away from that circumstance. Easier said than done but you cannot possibly stay there, or with any toxic person, and expect to be fulfilled in any way, shape, or form. At some point you will have to leave before it destroys any semblance of humanity that is left within you. That is a fact.
ReplyThanks for listening to my problem. Hopefully one day I will be able to move out and things might be better.
ReplyRefuse to help your mother unless she tells your brother to help. It's as simple as that. Hit her where it hurts. Your brother should WANT to help. Tell him to man up and take responsibility. Cut the wires of his computer. Act.
ReplyThank you for your advice. I did try to refuse to help but instead of her asking him to help, she scolds me instead. Well, if I cut his computer wire, he will do the same to my laptop then I can't work so I can't risk it. I agree that he should help but I'm guessing it's his pride that makes him think that only women are the ones who do housework. I think words can't get through him too but I don't have other ideas as my mother cares too much about him.
ReplyIf you were a worker in a factory and you didn't like the terms, you would strike. Do the same thing. Withhold your labour. Stop allowing yourself to be treated badly. Just REFUSE.
ReplyThanks, I will try to stand strong
ReplyHey, my situation ia kind of same as i dropped out of college to do what i want to do and now i feel i am being treated like a free servent in my house, they aske to help in house works during my working timings. But after i saw it is affecting my work i clearly told them that i don't care what is happening my working time i won't get up. They still ask to help but i don't go. And i also had a brother who has more time than me. So i just want to tell that you have to make decisions for yourself, you got to stabilize your future too.
ReplyThanks for sharing your experience and advice. I appreciate it. I will try to separate my work time and outside work time
ReplyThanks for sharing your experience and advice. I appreciate it. I will try to separate my work time and outside work time
ReplyYou sound like an amazing person that has lots to give but is very unseen from the people you live with/care about. You need to move forward with your life and exhaustion is not normal ❤️ back away and take ownership of pieces of yourself, 1 by 1. None of us know how long we have, but don't spend more time than necessary with people that don't value you and give you something back.
ReplyThank you for your encouragement and advice❤️
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