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honestly im so tired. Every day im trying im trying but it's exhausting, i just end up crying at night and wondering if I really am trying. I hate myself so much right now, I feel like I'm using my situation to have an excuse for not doing anything but there's a part in me who wants to do so much but Its just so hard every night I have flashbacks of me in the reeducation center not being able to move, having my legs paralyzed and being so weak and its fucking hurts. I know its the surgeon fault but I can't stop blaming myself for using this situation as an excuse. I can walk now but my legs are still weak , and now I'm afraid of walking outside because I donf know if I'm gonna fall and if I'm gonna be able to stand up again, what if its my last time walking again ? Im so scared.
And my depression doesnt help, it just consume me every single day and I feel so weak and so miserable and pathetic. I dont wanna exist, I dont want to be here anymore, if I hadn't have my brothers and parents I would have end up myself, I just dont want it anymore its tiring. i have enough and I feel so alone. I'm tired, I dont want to be here anymore
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Hello friend, I know how you feel about the depression and self hatred part and not being able to end it all because of family members. I can’t relate with the not being able to walk I cannot imaging the pain you must be feeling physically and emotionally. I don’t understand how you are embarrassed for pitying yourself. I cannot imagine being in the situation you are in right now. I wish I could meet you and help you understand that you aren’t alone and there are plenty of people who feel like you do. I really want to help you. There is so much to live for even though everything feels like it’s falling apart. I do not know you but I do know that you are SO important. I will be praying for you my friend. ❤️
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