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I was real talked, I am too negative person. It hurt me cus I know it's true. And then I thought immedietly, I'd isolate myself so that I won't ruin everyone's mood around me. Hey, if you're reading this, I want you to know I didn't chose to be so negative, to be so pessimist. Actually recently, I'd been struggling internally, fighting my own thought. I am not sure how I ended being so negative recently. Like often I would think of something bad would happen if I do this I do that. Or if I do good in this or on that. Or I would be in danger if I do this or that. ALTHOUGH, it is totally not related. Like example I was trying to fix my life by organizing my to do list for the day, and then suddenly I thought if I continue writing, I would be harassed in the future. (Maybe I'm traumatized on the outside world, the news I keep hearing. Like there had been many girls kidnapped in different places here. And that some are raped and some are dead. I'm so anxious, why are those kind of immoral people who hurt others even exist? I despise them. I hate them! I'm afraid of them.) It's like something is preventing me to start a new life, be productive or fixing my life. I don't know how I ended up this way. But I had been really struggling battling with my own thoughts. It has been not easy. It's like consuming my energy a lot and more than the tasks I should do. It's like I'm not too sane currently. I know, my mental health and/or emotional health is not too good right now. Actually I downloaded apps that might help me deal with my mental health, though I barely used them. I don't know what to do. But I am really tired for trying everyday to be sane, to think logical, to go against the negative thoughts that just come from time to time. It had been tiring battling with my own thoughts. And I try everyday, really hard to keep going.
If you're reading this, even if you're not a psychiatrist, if you could just please drop any opinion or advise? I am grateful for every response that I will receive in the comment section please. I am kinda desperate to be normal again. It had been tough. Thank you.
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