Personal Blog Post #1:

Today is the start of a new era.

For the longest time, I've been learning that in this phase of my life, the decisions I make are imperative. That making no decision is worst than making the wrong one. I have to start to decide on what I actually want out of life and who I desire to become while loving and supporting who I am right now. I'm 27, and while in many ways I'm still very young, it's truly time to grow the fuck up and handle shit like a boss. Not to say that I have to suddenly be perfect, but I have to practice being comfortable in the areas that I've grown out. For example, the other night I hung out with a guy that I used to hook up with, and once I got to his place I saw how he kept it. This wasn't the first time I'd been there, but it was as if his place kept getting dirtier and dirtier. Now I'm understanding that there's a such thing as a depression mess, but this wasn't that. It was just straight-up nasty.

This man is 31. Age doesn't necessarily define maturity, but you'd think MAYBE having sheets on your bed, clothes in your hamper, a clean toilet, and picking up a pee pad would be a decent thing to do for your place, especially as a property manager. Honestly, it's less about him and more about me and why I even stayed there, but I see now that I've grown past a place in my life where I was so understanding it was a borderline delusion. Sometimes the new you have to be put in old situations to see how much you've actually grown if any.

Bottom line, there are so many things happening in my life right now that are causing me to really step into the version of myself that I've always wanted to be. That version of me is literally now. The life I'm thankful to live now, I once dreamed of. It's time to live it to its absolute fullest and love myself fully in the process. Not shame me or daydream past it. I'm here to be present and to give myself all I deserve, even if that means letting go of things that once brought me joy.

- <3

P.S. I think I might write these once a week. It's nice to have an anonymous public place to share and possibly get some thoughts. Not that I need anyone's opinion.