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Visions of Gideon
4 months ago · · sad,
The first time hearing this song shattered me. I saw it in a movie called Called Me By Your Name and it played with Elio at the end of the movie. At the time, I was hurting because I had just broken up with my first love after a year of dating. It was the end of 2018. The song Visions of Gideon played in the background while Elio cried about losing the love of his life. I felt exactly how he felt. Until this day, this song shatters me. Every time I hear it I think of my ex and I just wanna burst out crying.
My ex and I met up a couple of times over the years to catch up and we also hooked up once or twice. Last year I made a promise to myself to not talk to him for a year, and I have stuck to it. I have dated many guys after him, but all the memories with him still pop up into my head. It sucks because he drained the life out of me, but he was also the last person to ever love me like that. I have not found love like that. All my relationships have failed after a month.
I do miss him sometimes a lot. It doesn't feel like four years have passed by since our relationship ended. I know he was never the right person for me, but he was always there for me. Even though sometimes it was very toxic between us, I knew he was still gonna be there for me. I have been feeling lonely and heartbroken recently, and I am holding myself back from texting him. I don't want to count on him to comfort me. I want to find someone else to do that for me, but I have not been able to all these years.
He is one phone call away, and I know he will pick up if I call.