Thought ramble

Tonight I was going over memories. Well I have plenty. Too many. Of a drunk. I have plenty of pics and video which THEY (dad) REFUSE to look at. Well if I see a psychiatrist therapist psychologist etc they'll know why I'm part. The pics say it all. Nothing explicit of course. He literally back in June this is Sept 30th 2022 was so wasted he went kathump pow in the kitchen on the floor while mom was gone. It took 2 hrs and alot of muscle to get his ass up. His body was dead weight the drugs made him a wet noodle. He didn't have strength to pull himself up. Him being over weight didn't help. I'll never forget him clapping his hands as we were pulling him up out of his mind like a child. This is crap I gotta live with in my head that's only a tiny portion. So yeah if the psychiatrists ask why I'm so fkd up that's part why. Trauma too. Emotional trauma. Yelling screaming with each other him drunk and miserable for years, idk how mom handles it. She went off on me in a huge way one time saying she can't take it shaking her hands arms. I' can't forget that either. Poor dog didn't deserve to be in the middle hearing it the hell dad put/puts us through. Its near 1 am. 1248 actually. But I can't forget this stuff. I thought my Dr would help but they turned cold uncaring recently. IDK why they used to let me talk to them about my feelings. Not this last time or 2. Idk man. IDK how to process all what he put me through. On top of physical harm. My Drs knows about that they did have compassion before but they change attitudes so much. Idk I'm like anyone else just trying to cope with past b s that I carry. I try to shut it out. But its recurring monthly. That's why its so on my mind a lot.

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