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Why suddenly do I feel life isn’t worth it? At least I don’t feel mine is. My whole life I’ve struggled with depression. I would say it’s been at least 10 years. I’m 25. I just fall deeper into this darkness every day. I look at myself and every day I hate a little more of what I’m seeing. I’m not going to get into specifics. Let’s just say I’ve got my demons. I also have zero friends. Ive never been in a relationship. I just feel so numb. Numb to any good feeling in this world. When I’m supposed to be having fun, it’s like my mind doesn’t allow me too. I’m stuck in some other place. A place where fun doesn’t exist. Sometimes I want to cry, but the tears never come. I worry about being like this til I die. That is the last thing I want, but as time goes on I can’t seem to change. I told myself years ago I would finally break free. But I’ve never felt this trapped. This hopeless. It’s funny I don’t even think I believe in god anymore, and yet at times I feel this way, I beg him to help me. I’m so sad my heart constantly aches, literally. I don’t notice the ache as much because it’s all I’ve known for the past decade. So badly I just want a companion. Someone who really loves me. Somebody who I fall in love with. I’m just so numb I’m afraid Ill never find anyone.
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I totally relate to this. 25 was the peak of my life. Maybe you just don't need to do anything to enjoy life. As bad as it sounds, emptiness might be your only friend. Of course you still eat to survive, etc. We come to this world to leave it as it was or better, right? It's all about perspective. You may see your death as something tragic, but 100 or 200 years later it would be ruled out. You will feel happy again. I love life and I hated it so many times. Really we are our biggest enemy. I'm not encouraging you to feel empty I mean you just need to not take it so seriously. You can just breath and do normal things. What is that something more that you are looking for? You know what, you're worth it to me. I tried to notion-it-out that I care for everyone in the world. Everyone deserves to live and better things. You will see the beauty in life again, you just need to remember that life was beautiful.
ReplyYou will find. Just be patient with yourself . You can do everything against all odds. You feel you can’t but you can. You’re loved by God. You’re enough
ReplyI am currently going through a struggle. I know its hard, it can be really hard, but that does not mean we should give up. You deserve happiness, you are worth it. If no one else will say it, I love you. You sound like you have been through hell and back, but the fact that you are still here means you have a strong spirit/will. Things will get better, you just need to give yourself a swift kick in the butt and go out and do the things that need to get done. If you haven't already talk to your doctor about antidepressants and if you are already on one then see about a change of prescription. Talk to a therapist/counselor. If you have a job or in school, force yourself to socialize with your schoolmates/co-workers. This will help you increase your chances of making friends. Talk to your family about it if they have been a loving family, there is no reason why they wouldn't be there for you now. No body can read your mind, if you don't talk about it no one will know what's going on.
You got this love, you are wonderful and I have faith that you will get better. I hope this helped.
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