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11 months ago · · depressed,
Why suddenly do I feel life isn’t worth it? At least I don’t feel mine is. My whole life I’ve struggled with depression. I would say it’s been at least 10 years. I’m 25. I just fall deeper into this darkness every day. I look at myself and every day I hate a little more of what I’m seeing. I’m not going to get into specifics. Let’s just say I’ve got my demons. I also have zero friends. Ive never been in a relationship. I just feel so numb. Numb to any good feeling in this world. When I’m supposed to be having fun, it’s like my mind doesn’t allow me too. I’m stuck in some other place. A place where fun doesn’t exist. Sometimes I want to cry, but the tears never come. I worry about being like this til I die. That is the last thing I want, but as time goes on I can’t seem to change. I told myself years ago I would finally break free. But I’ve never felt this trapped. This hopeless. It’s funny I don’t even think I believe in god anymore, and yet at times I feel this way, I beg him to help me. I’m so sad my heart constantly aches, literally. I don’t notice the ache as much because it’s all I’ve known for the past decade. So badly I just want a companion. Someone who really loves me. Somebody who I fall in love with. I’m just so numb I’m afraid Ill never find anyone.