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I feel so incredibly overworked. I went from being bored and having nothing to do one week to having way too many things to do, so much so that looking back on it I'm not even sure I didn't have much to do when I thought I was bored.
Now I just feel like I'm drowning, I'm surrounded by tasks from my hobbies; in this ridiculous project which started as a passion project and now just feels like a thankless chore which is too late to back down on; and I'm overworked in my workplace, being what feels like the only one who's putting in the effort beyond what feels like the bare commitment.
On top of all of this I don't want the people who share in my hobbies to feel like it's become a chore, because I do still enjoy it; I don't feel like I can really share my feelings about the project I've undertaken, because it's an event which the community can now see coming up and I don't want my complete exhaustion to give some bad impression of how it's going to turn out; I don't believe that anyone at work would, or can, take some of the load even if I managed to get myself to share what I'm feeling; and my partner is in the midst of their own work struggles and I don't feel like I can even share the load there without adding to their own pressure.
It's all too much, all I'm doing is wishing away my time until some hypothetical easier period comes along, but every week or month I think will be easier is instead harder than the last.
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It sounds like you're living a life of solitude in your mind while surrounded by great people. It's a hard path to walk and one I have also wandered throughout my life. The feeling of isolation and pressure is tough to bare. Life feels relentlass at the best of times, so I truly hope your pace settles soon and you can feel refreshed again. Best of luck.
ReplyIt sounds like you might need a mental reset to catch your second wind. I can understand how a passion, especially one which involves or benefits other people, can become consuming and exhausting. And then you’ve committed and don’t want to let people down. But it also sounds like you have a fear of asking for help. Maybe you think it makes you appear weak or incapable. I could tell you that it is a strength to ask for help but it is one that I do not have. I expect people to recognize I’m drowning and offer to pitch in because that is what I do. I worry about burdening others into helping me and them doing it out of pity or obligation. I bet if you have a Facebook and you just put out a list of areas that you need help in, someone would come through. If even it comes from their own pride of demonstrating some virtue, help is help. Take it where you can get it.
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