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I'm constantly feeling dread. Constantly feeling restrained. I think I am cornered by the encroaching landslide of a broken world and my body is being carefully pulled apart bit by bit. I want to be in love. I want to feel safe. The trauma is too much. The destitution too much. My body is the start of a hurricane that never fully hits. I take too much xanax, all the time. I want to bring myself back to me and kiss people and cry and feel real things. But all it is, is dread. I think everyone hates me. I know they don't. I want to learn music and make art and write and learn and my brain shuts it out. I've only been legitimately happy once in my life when I worked at Powell's and it was ripped away from me when I was just started to live.
It isn't fair. I know I'm not alone. But it's not fair. Life isn't fair but I shouldn't have to feel this way all the time
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We often get or, at least, are drawn to the things we think about most. Optimistic people expect things to improve and therefore look for opportunities to move in that direction. They discount their challenges or consider them to be necessary for growth. They forgive themselves and others when mistakes are made - no body is perfect. They are happier than pessimistic people regardless of the circumstances. There are happy people with very little and miserable people with a lot. Life for the optimist is going in the right direction even with its challenges. Life for the pessimist is getting worse occasionally interrupted by temporary improvements.
For your life to improve, your mental narratives need to change. This can be done. It will require some determined effort. Most of your time will be used up doing what you must - eating, sleeping, cleaning, driving, working, talking to people. and preparing to do these things.
When time permits you can dedicate yourself to changing your outlook. The specifics in your life will follow this lead.
Interested? I can say more.
ReplyI am weary that you're about to try to sell me something
Replywary*
ReplyI come to this platform to offer suggestions and hope. My life is good and I want to give back.
Going to play some ping pong and will check back later tonight.
ReplyI'm willing to do what I can. A few exchanges here and you should be able to proceed on your own. Re-read my first note and just consider that this view might start a new and better chapter in your life. If it does not help, try something else.
Reply