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I went vegetarian for ethical reasons but sometimes I wish I hadn’t done it. Ever since I stopped eating meat I’ve been paranoid about the food I eat. Last night my roommate offered to order some Chinese. I didn’t think and I just ordered the first thing labelled ‘vegetable dish’ I saw. It was broccoli with some garlic sauce. I thought nothing of it when I ate it. It was really good. Tonight I was heating it up when I got curious and googled what was in Chinese garlic sauce. Says that it’s traditionally made with a meat broth. I fucking panicked and I got sick to my stomach and I can’t bring myself to eat it. I don’t know for sure whether it has meat in it or not but I don’t want to take the chance. My roommate tells me I should eat it because I don’t know for sure. That I should imagine the best case scenario. Hate to break it to her but the odds are not looking too pretty. The bowl is sitting on the counter right now getting cold. I don’t know whether to eat it or throw it out. If I throw it out that’s a waste of food. By the time someone reads this I’ll probably have decided what to do with it but that’s not why I’m here. I’m here because being vegetarian is simultaneously the best and worst thing I’ve ever done. Best because I know what they do in those slaughterhouses. It took a serious psychological effect on me to see those photos. But now that I’m a vegetarian I’ve become neurotic. I refuse to eat anything unless I’ve cooked it myself or read the ingredients list. I can’t order at restaurants without asking a barrage of questions to the waiter. What broth does this soup use? Is there fish sauce in this pad thai? I’m incredibly scared to ingest anything because I might be eating another animal. As far as I’m concerned they’re as worthy of consideration as anyone else but looking out for them has taken its toll on me. Now that I’m a vegetarian there’s no way I’m going to revert. But I feel like shit. I used to eat just about anything someone put in front of me. Now I stare down the ingredients list like a madman and pray I don’t find anything I can’t eat. Seeing dead animal listed among the ingredients makes me physically sick. I’m constantly stressed. Every living creature matters to me to the point that I’ve forgotten I’m a living creature and that I matter too. I shouldn’t be this scared all the time but I have to be in order to preserve my sanity. I will lose my shit if I ever have to knowingly eat meat again.
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You will accidentally eat meat again. And you can be annoyed or feel ill when you do. But it's not supposed to make you feel this degree of stress.
ReplyI have a daughter who is now in her late teens. When she was small, she was never a picky eater which is typically not the case for kids. One field trip changed all that.
At the farm, she got to hold the baby chicks and, soon after, learned that the baby chicks would turn into chickens which would, of course, make meals of, well, chicken. And that was it. To my surprise, at her young age, she swore off meat. We call her vegetarian but she actually does still eat seafood.
One of the other kids doesn't like beans. When my wife makes chilli, she makes three pots. One has meat and beans, one has meat with no beans, and one has beans with no meat. We do, however, keep one whole side of our freezer full of fake meet products for her. When we make burgers, for example, I've got a large group to throw on the grill and then there's this frozen been patty thing that I have to heat up on the stove.
Cooking at home is extremely problematic and choosing a restaurant while in town is very limiting because there are very, very few places we can go where everyone can grab a meal they'll actually eat and enjoy. When we aren't with them, we take advantage of the situation by eating at "the other places" with "the bad stuff".
It's annoying but we try to not give her grief about it. I can only imagine what a boyfriend or husband will think of this one day. It's probably not a big deal short term but, eventually, you grow tired of the same ole' restaurants and the troubles of making double batches of food at home in multiple pans.
It seems, though, that there are enough people in the world who make this food choice that would justify proper restaurants to have a section of the menu feature vegetarian and/or vegan options. To be honest, you're probably driving these poor waiters and waitresses crazy with so many questions but, the twist here, is that they should just have these things properly noted in the menu and, again, should probably just have sections of menu items carved out for vegetarians and vegans so you don't even have to ask the questions.
If it's your choice to not eat meat, and if you're unsure of what's in the sauce, and if it's going to make you sick, I think the obvious choice is to not eat the garlic sauce.
If you feel you're overreacting to all of this, you may wish to speak with someone on the matter. I don't think you need to go back to eating meat if you don't want to, but if you feel this life choice is taking a toll on your physical or mental health, you may wish to have someone help you overcome that so you can take care of yourself while still sticking to your values.
Good Luck!
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