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Im at a lost of what I need to do and what I want to do. There is a huge difference between the two. I don't want to get divorced. I don't want my children to live in two different places. I don't want to have to split holidays. But I don't want to be miserable. I don't want to feel like everything is always my fault or my doing. I don't want to be going off and be this psycho bitch that is begging for you to reveal the pain you caused her. the suicidal thoughts, the wanting of the fucking pain to stop. It's my choice he says, but is it? Am I gonna make the decision that ultimately will stop the anguish I feel. The true utter heart break that I don't deserve. I lost my best friend. He isn't here anymore. I finally can't fully trust him. I don't see him like I did. His fine haze is clearing up. I'm done being obiedent, I'm done listening to what you want me to do or who I can speak too. I'm done being told how to speak, what to wear and if I am a bad mother. I'm 32 years old. And if you can't handle the fact that I will say and speak to you however I want to, than you can go fuck off. I am the one person who has ever right.to.say whatever the fuck I want to you. I am truly your only support in this life. I'm the one who didn't put your ass in jail when I damn well could have. But I didn't. I'm the one that has defeated you, apologized for you, took care of you in every aspect of life. I've cried for you, lied for you, accept responsibility for your actions and behaviors. I am your support. But you are not mine and never really have been. You have used me as your emotional punching bag long enough. I won't accept anymore degrading, belittling, name calling, triggers of any kind. At the end of these four weeks, I will have no choice in making my decision. I can't break, I need to stay strong. I need to push forward. I need to step into my purpose, my higher self. I need to move on with or without him.
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As the child of divorced parents, please, please, please get a divorce, and be civil about it. There is nothing worse for children in that situation then watching your parents hate each other and constantly being surrounded by a tense atmosphere, unable to get away. They may even blame themselves for your unhappiness. It wears down on children more than you can imagine.
ReplyIf he agrees you can both see a marriage counselor, that is if you think that will help.
Replyfree yourself. Dont live in misery. It will be hard as hell to divorce. But as the other replier. better the kids see a happy parent, then arguing one. I am raise kids on my own and there is truly less fighting in the house. More laughter. Yes, I am lonely and it is tough. But things do get better.
ReplyChoose yourself and your children and seperate from him. Anything else is the wrong choice. I don't know why you have to wait 4 weeks but make sure you do something everyday to get yourself prepared to leave.❤️ And pledge it out loud to yourself each day.
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