What are you looking for?
3 months ago · · Alone, · Explicit
She shows all the signs. She’s basically asking for help. She just wants people to care. She wants to stop going unnoticed. Why is it when a skinny girl doesn’t eat, everyone is concerned for her, but when a bigger person hasn’t eaten, there's no question. They probably think she’s just trying to eat less or she’s on a diet. Both the skinny and big girl have the same eating disorder, but only one goes unnoticed, why is that?
The big girl was told her whole life that she needed to lose weight. She eats one meal a day that is less than 300 calories. When she’s hungry, she drinks water or sucks on a mint. After a while, the mints start tasting like chalk, but it helps her not eat. Her mom thought she was eating them because she was addicted to the flavor. She didn’t eat them because of the taste, she ate them because it would stop her from feeling hungry. She never eats breakfast and skips lunch. Yet people never question it. Is it because she's a big girl? Do people look at her and assume she eats? Do people look at her and assume she needs to stop eating?
She went her whole life being made fun of for her weight. Her own family bullied her. “Unhealthy,” “Fat”, “Pig” were always thrown around. She never had a good relationship with her body. In reality, she was trying. She was trying really hard, but her hard work went unnoticed. She never felt good enough. She didn’t feel good enough in school, at home, in friendships, in relationships. She never felt good enough. She hated herself. She felt like no one loved her. She felt alone. She always wondered what she did to deserve this. Most of the time when she talked to her dad, it was the calorie talk. She felt like she never had a normal relationship with him. She always felt like something was wrong with her.
She would make subtle hints, but her friends would ignore it. She just wanted people to see how much she was hurting, but no one ever did. No one saw until she threatened her life. Then people came rushing all of the sudden. Why should they care now? They didn’t care then, so why should they care now.
She just wants to feel love. Every friendship she had ended in shit. She just wants to know that at least one person cares.
Why is she not good enough? She tries so hard for people to like her. What makes her not good enough? Why is it so hard? Why is trying to be good enough so hard?