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I've written here more times I can remember and I'm doing it once again because why not. I'm alone again in my home, it's 23:17 pm and I feel like I'm the only person ever to exist. This happens every night I'm alone aka every sunday basically. And monday. Pretty much every night until my roommate comes back. I used to love being alone and I don't even known when I changed but nowadays, I feel lonely. I never used to feel lonely. Being left alone with myself and my thoughts was the one thing I liked about being alone but now... idk. Now being alone just makes me feel alone. I hate it. I want to be able to like being alone again, I loved it. I loved spending time alone in this apartment, watching tv and falling asleep on the couch but now I just hate being here with my thoughts. My roommate leaves and goes to visit her family every weekend and I... I stay here and hate it. It's so quiet in here and I can't help it but feel like nothing matters in my life. I know this is just the loneliness talking in me but hell, I don't care. I wasn't a lonely person. What the hell is this feeling. I'm not like this. I miss being alone but not like this. Maybe this feeling has got something more in it than just being alone but I don't know. I know I've got my own share of mental health issues but I don't have the energy to take a look at them. I know I should but that takes time and energy. I don't have energy. I know tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to feel foolish about feeling like this but it doesn't make me feel any better. I feel like I'm never going to understand what's wrong with me
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I’m sorry you feel lonely. I used to not be bothered by being alone and preferred it sometimes. But then I started getting lonely in college. I think part of it was I was removed from everything I knew and started a new stage of life while not knowing many people so I felt alone when I needed people to support me. My anxiety made me feel awful and I just wanted to be around people to be distracted from it. Because being alone with racing thoughts sucked. Now I still enjoy being alone, but I also balance it with being with people. You will eventually get back to enjoying your alone time. It just takes time. It’s okay to want to be around people more right now, especially if you are dealing with anxiety or depression. Do what you need to do right now because I promise this phase will not last forever. Call your parents or someone who is a constant for you and just talk for an hour. Call your grandparents, they’d be more than happy to talk to you for hours I bet. Try to hang out with new people other than your roommate so you aren’t so lonely when they leave since you’ll have other friends. Things will get better.
ReplyHi, thank you so much for your reply. This is one of the nicest things I've heard from a stranger in this site. It's the following day right now and I do feel better. I'm relearning being alone (it's so funny to me because I absolutely loved being alone haha) and dunno, maybe I'll love it again. Again, thank you:)
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