What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
Letter to My Son,
Friends, you had, friends you didn't have, friends you thought you had, you were so young, what made you think you had no one to turn to, why didn't you ask for help?
Did you ask others for help, family? friends, and they did not answer, they ignored you, or did they disregard your feelings all together, chalking it up to its nothing.
Certainly people, when you left us, did things to only make themselves look better or clear their conscience, two in particular, which I am not happy with and to whom i have not spoken to in while, they feel it necessary to air out their dirty laundry, and to be known to others about their private lives and other private lives, they live for notoriety and "oh the poor me" attitude. They do not stop to think this was a private matter and not to be blasted to distant family members, or strangers, but they don't care.
why didn't you call me back or talk to me? maybe you don't have the answer, for if you did you would not be a memory.
Are you with loved ones, is there a heaven, is there a hell? Is there just darkness? Are you alone? and at peace, do you wander the grounds of your last steps, are your searching?
I have laid you to rest, though a marker does not mark your place, you have returned to the dust, which you came, the place is unknown.
I think about you, and I miss you, you chose to leave, and there isn't anything I can do about it. You made your choice, or did someone or something make it for you? These are questions that go unanswered, and I will probably never find the answer.
One little item has turned up, oddly enough in the strangest place, and I have it, for no one can take that away.
I do not need to be known for my writing, or be an author, or call myself a writer, I do not social media, or blog, I do not let me name me known, only slight pseudonyms, acronyms, and slight hints. I am not vain, nor am I an attention whore, I am not a toxic narcissist, and I don't thrive on others misery.
In your short years, I have memories in which no one can take away, my thoughts and my feelings are my own, though we had differences over the years, you always apologized, and I to you if I was wrong. You had lied, but eventually would come to tell the truth, sometimes, too late. As a child, you could be so sweet, and you could be a royal brat, getting into mischief, but high spirited, as you where you were my son. You were talented in your own right, but where did your hope and spirit go?
Depression is a monster, substance abuse is a demon, and living with the wrong person is hell, the feeling of having nowhere to turn is a lonely one.
Since day one I have kept your memory alive with the truth, not fake platitudes, or run-on garbage, from certain others that I will not mention, because they are not worth mentioning. They go on all day about themselves, and go on with their phony existence, and lies, and continue to treat me like crap, and ignore me, and make me out to be the one in the wrong.......So be it, let them, I am stronger than that, because at the end of the day we can endure more then we think we can, and to thine own self be true, Shakespeare said that, I have lived it, and believe it. I only wish you had discovered philosophy, before you felt you had to depart.
I always listened to you, tried to give you advice, and even was tough, but that was not enough, I am sorry for that, I am sorry for you, not for me, I tried, so much that I was worn out from trying, but it doesn't hide the fact, some bigger was gnawing at you, beckoning you and even haunting you, though what it was I do know. Substances can play a big part, in mind altering, and thought processes, I even expressed this to you, but somehow it was lost between my mouth and your ears.
I have lost, and I have gained, I have lost family members and loved ones, over the years. The last person I thought I would lose is you, too young, too young, my boy.
People have asked, what is the meaning of life? Are we just specks under a microscope, or are we just here? Is there a God, and the list goes on and on. Is life something so tangible, that we go through it, and wait and wait, for more, yes life is tangible, we can touch it and feel it, but are we sure what it's about, NO, we are not, not 100%. One thing is there are no certainties in life, there are no absolute truths. Only Death is absolute, and taxes. Why? you may ask, I do not know, what is after death? the biggest question in the Universe, well we cannot dwell on it, some people believe in some sort of religious belief, some do not, and some people don't care at all. I have blocked evil people from me, I choose to ignore the unrighteous individuals in my path. I am not a follower, I am no one's slave, and no one's punching bag, literally or figuratively.
I only hope there is life after death, they say birth, death and rebirth, hum, is it? I know I have had some experiences I cannot explain, may be past lives, call it reincarnation, I do not know. But life goes on, and I only wish peace, for everyone,
I love you, Miss you, and I have to believe there is something else out there, beyond this realm.
Rest in Peace
(c)2022-V.A.P.T.P.M/V.V
Comments have been disabled by the author
More Posts
-
Concerning crisis lines
I believe there are genuinely some people out there who care and want to help people. I would if I worked for one. I mean I've had bad experiences myself such a...
-
My Unsent Letter
I mourn for you...I know it'll be hard...I don't even know if you'll be able to get through it but I don't know how long I'm able to keep going with the constan...