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I have trauma about being left out and left behind, so now in my current relationship, I am like a backpack to my bf. I know we need space between ourselves to breathe and have down time, but when he does things without me I get very anxious and nervous to the point I break down. It doesn’t help when I do participate in whatever activities he’s doing that i always think he doesnt want me there, or the people around him dont want me there so I never have a good time either. Its hurting me and its hurting him too. I dont know how to work through this issue, even with my therapist, we never get to unpack this huge emotional baggage. I dont know if i purposely avoid talking about it or if its because my bf usually take me along to anywhere he goes so I don’t get breakdowns and push this problem to the back of my mind.
Its really debilitating, because when he does/ goes somewhere without me i cant think about anything else, like just what is he doing rn, does he want to run away and leave me behind or if he doesnt love me anymore, or if he’s meeting another girl that he likes more and just a whole bunch of useless thoughts. It filled my brain up so full I cant do anything else. I need to pull myself together and do my tasks but I’m just stuck unable to move, and I’m so scared of all these “what-ifs” and my heart is beating like crazy, and i just cant think.
It sucks for him i know, but it also sucks for me too. I am aware of my issue and situation, and i know how much trouble it causes, but I just can’t get over my trauma and problems.
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It's good that you're acknowledging all that. Just keep in mind that the weight of the problems in the relationship don't all fall on you. You both have your own issues and then they're mixed in with how you two interact. Maybe the timing is off and/or you two are not compatible. If it's getting too unhealthy for one or both of you, and you've tried to work it out, then it may be time to end it and go your separate ways.
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