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As a 19 yo girl, i associate myself with the gen Zs. I'm very familiar with Internet culture. I was exposed to all it's wonders and horrors at a pretty young age and I am still very active in online communities. Unfortunately I'm not as popular in real life, I don't have any friends and I mean this legitamately. The only place I go is to my college classes then I come home. I don't have much reason to go outside other than for my own needs like going to the store or some sports on my own.
Other than that, I am online. Not so much in an unhealthy way, but in a way that I can always keep up with the latest happenings. But there's a part of it that just makes me feel a bit uncomfortable or confused, and it may seem stupid but it's fashion and appearances.
I feel like I have to LOOK a certain way because that's what's expected out of a 19 yo girl like me. I don't look like a 19 yo girl at all. I look like I'm 15 tops. I have never owned any makeup in my entire life, so i never had a 'girly make up phase' in my early teens, therefore I have never worn it, even til now. But everywhere I go on the Internet, I see girls who ALL have makeup on, whether it's the full-out-glam, or cosplay/art makeup or just everyday simple makeup. EVERYONE is wearing this stuff on their face, except me it seems like. I don't want to wear it but this amount of invisible pressure is actually starting to annoy me. I feel ugly whenever I go to my classes bc every single girl has some sort of makeup on them, and they look BEAUTIFUL.
I don't want anyone telling me "UHHH WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET MAKEUP AND LEARN TO WEAR IT THEN IF IT BOTHERS YOU SO MUCH????"
I'm not really complaining about that, it just sucks that it has become like a norm. I don't feel like I fit in, and that's on top of the many other reasons for my outcast feeling. I see 19yo on tik tok and they all look so pretty and have such a unique and pretty fashion style. That's another thing that confuses me.
Everyone seems to have a 'style' of clothing. There's a girl in my class who always seems to wear grungey style clothes, another girl dresses formally and elegantly, another girl is all about pastel colours and glittery makeup. Me?
I dress up in cheap ugly coloured t-shirts and black pants most of the time. I just wish I looked like them. I wish I was pretty. I wish I could be confident to be in front of a camera for a fit check with my friends. Man, i wish i had friends!
The people in my class always post cute and creative things on their social medias, They always look great doing it and seem to be having a fun time and have made close bonds. Why don't I have that? What am I doing wrong that I have to be the lonely girl who goes home straight after college because mom and dad said so? I just wish I could be like everyone else and experience something nice for once. And LOOK nice too, for that matter. I'm tired of not having a style and not having enough money. I'm tired of looking in the mirror, I just wish I wasn't here.
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Hey, I kinda feel where you're coming from. I don't go to in-person school, but I do online school. Because I stay home so much, I go online a lot onto different social media platforms. I see the same stuff you see too, girls who look really really pretty. Kinda makes me compare myself to them as well, and then I wish I could be as good as them. Tbh, I was never really interested in makeup either. I wear it sometimes only to special events, but I think I'm better off without it. Yet the internet makes me think I should wear it. I kinda feel lonely when I'm on the internet tbh. I'm not sure if that's how you feel though. The more I consume these images of beauty, the more it just makes me feel a certain unhappy way, you know? I think right now is a hard time because I can't stop going back onto social media. It's like an addiction for me.. but I'm trying not to be on it too much. I think being away from people and being lonely actually makes me learn more about myself. I learn new things about my self interests.. and I'm trying to find my own self. For me, being lonely is ok for now. Sometimes I do miss having conversations with my old friends though. But it's ok. Please know that I feel the same way as you! Try to find out who YOU are during your time alone.
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