Dissapear

Ever since I was young I knew I did not want to live a long life, I always wished to disappear or pop out of existence like a bubble. I'm now a young adult and those feelings just keep getting stronger. Each time I open my eyes I just question god why I'm still here to breathe another day, why not give my life to someone who needs it and wants it more than I do? I feel that it's unfair that I'm still here when others who are fighting to stay alive lose their lives to sickness, accidents, crime, or war dont get a chance in life. I don't want this life, I hate waking up every day, I hate going to sleep hoping that when I close my eyes I never wake up.

This life is just something I don't want, it's boring, my dreams and goals are far from my reach and they will never come to be, my friends either stopped reaching out, moved away, or have become awful people. My family circle is so small, and the person I love the most is old, I know I will lose them one day and that hurts me because if they are gone then the little light I had will banish and I'll be all alone.

I just want an exit, I want to escape from this awful reality, from this world, I never wanted this life, I have never felt long-lasting happiness, I always felt afraid of being hurt, abandoned, and alone. I always thought that all I needed was the person I love the most in this world, but the reality is kicking in, time is running out and life is full of changes, but I don't want that. If I die I won't have to suffer the feeling of loss, loneliness, and hurt. Each night I pray that god listens to me and lets me die in peace. I don't care what's beyond, if it's a dark void of nothingness, hell, or heaven, I just want to disappear.