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Friendship and Me
3 weeks ago · · Autism,
I don't understand why I can't make friends. I am an adult with Autism and it just doesn't make sense to me. I put myself in situations that make me uncomfortable, I do things that stress me out just so I can meet new people. And it works for a month tops. I meet another person who seems like we could be good friends. We chat, we meet up, we plan things and then...nothing. I have had people keep items I let them borrow, helped support businesses, and then I get no response. I once travelled over an hour to London to meet up with someone and they never picked up when I arrived. How am I meant to predict these things? Especially when I so desperately want a friend. Why do they always leave when I am at the most comfortable with them? When I think that this time will be different? I can't help but think I am the problem - that I just wasn't made for friends. That loneliness is the best case scenario or a constant wave of acquaintances that will never be more.
I like me, why can't anyone else?
I don't want to lose hope, but I can feel it happening. I keep trying and failing and I am the common denominator. I don't even think there is an answer.