Unsent letter : I miss you

It’s me again,

I went back to our apartment today.

I asked my mother to remove our photos and objects from you while I was away

Finally it was even harder to get into this room without any presence of you, no recall, nothing.

I can’t bear you to be erased like that. Don’t say it, but I’ll put the pictures back in place next week.

Tonight I looked at the biopic of Gregory lemarchal. Suffering from mucovicidosis. If you knew the number of similarities with you.. I cracked. And I feel sad and relieved now.

Tears can still flow after all

No news of your family or friends.

But pictures of you are circulating on the networks. All saying goodbye and I still can’t bring myself to delete your contact.

It’s often said that once a person leaves, you only remember their good ratings and good times

If you knew how true that is and it only amplifies the guilt I feel

I went to a party after, I drank. Too much. Like to forget you when I didn’t want to

I don’t think my brain understood

Because with every notification on my phone, I still think it’s from you.

I met someone you know, someone nice, who could take care of me

I hesitate to start a romantic relationship

In fact I think that any pain other than your loss would be more bearable.

I want to feel something else than your absence

I often think I’d rather die in your place

Good night H, I love you