My Unsent Letter

dear j, i really wanted it to be you i was done with love until i met you i felt whole again like maybe a human being could truly love me again. i held my bpd rages in because i wanted it to be you, us. but once again i was a fool who fell for a fool begging him to feel the same way about me. i wont ever understand why you did what you did. you promised you wouldnt let me push you away, you let me you could have explained let me forgive you ill forgive i might not forget but ill forgive over and over again as long as i have you. you never talked to ME you never asked or told me anything you tried lying and manipulating it i had to remove myself, but you didnt have to let me let you go you could have tried harder because if you loved me when i confronted you then you wouldnt have said "wdym" "wtf" "huh" you would have explained then and there but you didnt. you had to think of a story to lie about. i would have died for you if a gun was pointed at you i would have jumped in front took the bullet for you did anything to save you over myself. but what you did to me was lie assume i would allow or wouldnt allow things someone who loves you doesnt do that. i started to feel like i was drowning i couldnt breathe, after i found it all out i laughed mostly teared up reading out loud explaining what i said to you to other people, you still did me bad after i explained how all my exs did me. i havent even truly cried about loosing you, because i dont know why you did what you did. you said it yourself we didnt communicate i know i wasnt the problem you were i might not feel good enough cause you but i know no matter what one day i will find someone who loves me for me and doesnt assume how i would respond to things. someone who doesnt walk away from me the way you did. i didnt cry, i didnt feel cause i couldnt cause what you did made me so empty. im a fool who loved someone who didnt know what true love is or listen to any plans i wanted. im sorry what i wanted wasnt what you had planned but that doesnt mean i get to feel like shit.